Dear Feeling Grinchy,
You are certainly in the boat with many. While Christmas time is hyped up to be all about love and being together, it causes many of us to feel uneasy and plain old sad. Being single over the holidays can be mentally challenging, and the best I can do here is encourage a shift in perspective and offer some tools to help ease the headspace. This is where we need to dig deep and call on the one person we can always count on: self.
Personally, I have spent a few Christmas holidays “alone”, so I am right here with you. Christmas can feel daunting as it approaches in all its spirit, especially when we desire love through the holidays; someone to go skating with; someone to hide gifts from; someone who has us wanting to hang mistletoe everywhere; someone to pick out this year’s tree with; someone to sip Christmas cocktails with while decorating the tree; someone who wants to create Christmas memories; someone whose gift fills up your heart; someone who gets in the spirit with you; someone to plan and laugh and warm up with. I could go on, but this is when I step out of these moments and remind myself that I can do all of this for me, with me, with happiness and sheer joy, knowing that one day this will be my reality. I can see it. I can feel it … I choose to believe.
Here’s the spin… all of those moments that we desire, we can have with ourselves. I understand that doing these things alone is different from enjoying them with a partner, but if we can’t truly enjoy these moments on our own, why on earth would someone else want to step into this? Being happy… truly happy, doesn’t mean that there aren’t sad moments; that a tear may be shed, but what it does mean is that we turn it around so that the majority of our headspace lies within happiness. There are so many ways to entertain ourselves, to connect with our inner-self and enjoy a little quiet time.
And so, I will pour myself a Christmas cocktail while I trim the tree and dream about what love through the holidays will look and feel like when the time is right. I can invite my kids, or a girlfriend or two over to share some cheer. I can turn on a favourite playlist or movie and wrap a gift, or bake some cookies. I will also take advantage of holiday time and take on a project that gives me a way to keep my brain busy and accomplish something that I am so proud of when all said and done. While Christmas is a holiday, it can also been seen as a moment in time where we connect with what we desire, deserve and believe… as opposed to lamenting about what we don’t have.
Take the holiday season and make it the very best for you. It’s a great time to listen to what you hear in your mind, and sit in what you feel. What will make you laugh? Do you want to laugh? Do you want a big ugly cry? Watch I Am Sam, or anything that will again, work for you. Here are a few things that are on my “Setting myself up for success” holiday plan:
- My holiday reads this season are Welcome Home by Najwa Zebian, Brene Brown’s new book Atlas of the Heart, and The High Five Habit by Mel Robbins.
- My other go to holiday exercise is to dream up the next chapter. It’s an exercise that I use a lot in my coaching practice and it’s a gem. I call it the Ideal Day exercise. Write down what an ideal day, one year from today, will look like. It is from the moment you wake up until you go to bed and everything in between. It’s what you will smell, hear, taste, who you talk to and what you talk about. Be sure to turn the “limiting thoughts” down and turn up the “desire”. It could be a work day, if that’s your typical day. Within that day you can weave through a anything you desire that would represent a big beautiful life filled with love of self, of what you do, and love with someone special enough to be invited into your heart.
- Last but not least, I will intentionally practice gratitude every day. Every day before I tuck in to sleep, I will write down what I am grateful for that day and why I’m grateful for it. Embodying gratitude throughout the day will be a primary focus, because when I sit in gratitude I feel so much better than when focused on any other feeling… truly.
At the end of the day, it’s about seeing what we have and who we are. It is about quietening the thoughts that are based in fear and seeing the joy in the moments that we have with ourselves. When we take on a self-loving project or activity, we are not only filling ourselves up with goodness, but we are also distracting ourselves, which is a solid tool in and of itself. With a little distraction, some healthy reading, some imaginative journaling and a bit of gratitude, you may just find a shift in your perspective, allowing you to truly enjoy this holiday season.
I hope you found this article helpful, follow me on social for self loving tips and tools, or reach out for a complimentary consultation to learn a little more about how to tap into and love you.