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Uncover your best you.

Step-by-step self love workbook

Uncover your best you.

Step-by-step self love tools

November 15, 2021

Hey Christina, How do I become more self-confident?

– Doubtful & hopeful

Dear Doubtful and Hopeful,

Yay, you for not giving up because, believe it or not, we can alter our neural pathways and change the way we think about things! Thinking that we aren’t confident is essentially a “limiting belief” and we can believe it to be the truth. This belief is attached to a story. This story may go way back, and there can be many layers to it … but in order to change it, we need to start to understand what the story is, especially because that story simply isn’t true and it is guiding our everything.

Here is one way that I have learned to get a handle on the “story”: When I find myself poked, triggered, agitated or stuck on a thought that I can’t seem to shake, I start to say what I’m thinking out loud; in the shower, in the car, anytime I’m alone. When we say what we are thinking out loud, one of two things happens;

  1. We either cannot finish the sentence because it is so obviously untrue – which stops us from spinning down the rabbit hole of worry and anxiousness.
  2. We say it out loud and then ask our self “is that true?“. This powerful little question holds the key to uncovering our limiting beliefs and if we continue to ask “do I know this to be absolutely true?” we will inevitably hear the truth.

Here’s the thing… when we step out of the mis-truth and realize what we are hearing is not true, we can start to see there is factual evidence that contradicts this limiting belief. When we can rummage around and find some proof of this, we supply the brain with evidence to start creating a new belief as opposed to the lie.

With that said, what experiences have you had that tell you you’re not confident? Who’s to say that you haven’t grown and can choose to move forward with confidence? You see, no one knows how you feel. And no one gets to tell you how to feel. Your feelings are yours. If you don’t like the way that you feel or think, replace those thoughts with thoughts that feel and sound better. Sure, this may require a window of “faking it”, but faking it literally shows the brain the new, desired way. Faking it until… all of a sudden, with consistency and grit, you can turn this into a new embodied belief.

I have learned that a lack of confidence can sometimes stem from an underlying fear, so identifying the fear can be helpful. Is it a fear of feeling embarrassed? Is it a fear of rejection? Is it a fear of failure? This fear needs to be smacked around! So say it right out loud and start to ask if it is true. Scratch away at that story because allowing fear to prevent you from shining is a damn shame. Facing fear and knocking it around requires courage, and with courage comes vulnerability, and being vulnerable is one of the greatest acts of self-love.

Have a question for Christina?

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