Dear Incredibly Discouraged,
I hear this a lot, and yes, dating apps can be a challenge. While I have witnessed couples finding love via dating apps, I have also witnessed significant frustration and disappointment. In actuality, I can’t help but think that these experiences are reflective of all dating situations; while a little bigger and faster, meeting someone through an app is essentially the same kind of process as in real life. When we are out in a social environment, for example at a concert, a party or a wedding, we don’t find everyone in the room attractive. We may find one or two people that we are attracted to, but we are essentially “swiping” through the crowd.
When I am working with a client that is looking for love, I encourage the use of dating apps because it gives us access to numbers. I get it, dating apps aren’t for everyone. Luckily, there is another approach to dating, and I couldn’t be more passionate about it. It’s an organic approach that involves taking the blinders off and living a life that you truly love.
Taking the blinders off means noticing what, and who, is around you. It means literally seeing people… noticing the attractive guy at the grocery store, or the cute barista who made your coffee. This may mean sitting in a coffee shop and making eye contact with people; it may mean having the courage to say “hello”, or commenting on the hot sauce in their grocery basket.
Living a life that you love means spending time with people you love, and doing all kinds of things that fill you up. It means getting out there and doing things that you enjoy and challenge you at the same time. It means envisioning what a partner will feel like in your life; it means being courageous. While you are out there living and loving your life you may very well meet a like minded person with similar interests and outlook on life.
Desiring companionship and a love that is in line with you and your desires will take time. It will likely be a little bumpy along the way. I can promise, however, that when we love ourselves and our lives, and we stop needing to be chosen, we will be ready for love… and when we are ready for love, it will present itself.
So yes, I do believe that you will find love… by living a life that you love, knowing what you desire, and being open to what the universe places on your path.