Dating again after a long term relationship can feel like swimming in shark-infested water at times, but it can also be a whole lot of fun. I’m guessing in this case, it’s feeling a little more like the shark-infested water, considering your mention of fear. More specifically, you mentioned whether you can trust this person on the other end is telling the truth. This causes me to automatically gravitate to the topics of regret and resilience. You know the saying “have no regrets”? Regrets are a part of us all and I think it’s safe to say that we all have regrettable moments. I can’t help but think that regrets come into play because maybe we weren’t brave enough to take a chance, and we now sit and wonder “what if”? If we had that moment back in time we would do it differently. Therefore, resilience can be developed from regrets. Regrets can teach us to be brave and to choose courage in the future. This is resilience. Choosing differently, believing that everything will work out, and being brave is resilience.
I believe that regrets are actually opportunities that exist to teach us lessons, and if we are on a self-loving quest, then I’d like to think that we are open to the teachings. Regrets are moments that pave the way for making choices that align with what we desire. In essence, regrets are a foundation for growth. If we make choices from a place of fear, there is a high probability that we will regret the choice. So, I say be brave because regrets are often tied to not taking a chance. Ultimately, this is about trusting yourself and again believing that everything will indeed work out regardless of the uncontrollable outcome. The regrets I have around not taking chances have inspired me to be brave in life. Does the chance we took always work out the way we had hoped? No, but choosing youand chasing the dream is so self-loving.
Dating, especially after a long term relationship, can be a little daunting, but if your quest is to find a companion to share your life with; to find a love that fills you up; then you will undoubtedly need to be brave. I find that when I am afraid to do something, I remind myself that I can handle it; whatever it turns out to be. Heartbreak, rejection, disappointment… I can handle it. I also know that there will be learnings in there regardless, but I also call on another tool: my life experience. What I mean by this is I have had a couple moments in my life that were altering; moments that shook me to the core. They were moments that kept me up at night and had me sitting in fear, disbelief and loss. These moments are untouchable. I know from these experiences that when I am afraid, I can handle it because I have handled WAY harder. I use my life experience as a tool to tell my brain the truth, which is that I will be able to handle it.
So, I encourage you to trust you. This is not about the other person, because you have no control over him or her. What you do have control over is how you walk in, through and out of it. I encourage you to walk bravely, listen to your gut and trust that everything is “figuroutable”.