In regards to baggage, I’d say there’s one super power that you can try on. When you get poked/triggered/activated/annoyed in your relationship, I encourage you to spin it back to self. We so often go to a place and focus on how we were wronged, when it should be about how we could have showed up better for self. Take this one step further and look at what it was that triggered you. Take a breath and hear the story that you weave around it… and then ask yourself, “Is this true?” A great way to execute this is to capture the following four things:
- The incident – Pick a moment that poked you and capture the “who”, “what”, “when”, “where” kind of details.
- The head – This is what you think about the moment. This is often the loud voice that speaks up for you and yearns to protect, defend and support you.
- The heart – This is what you feel about the moment. This is where the unlovable, “I am not worthy” has a tendency to live.
- The body – This is what you physically felt in your body when the moment happened.
While each of these areas are helpful to get a handle on, the head is what you really want to tap into. The story that lives here is so often untrue and this story is behind what is holding you ransom. As you write, ask yourself, “Is this true?” Ask this until you crack it, because our stories have long legs and add more and more content to the “baggage”.