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April 19, 2021

Hey Christina, We are born with love and learn fear. How does one get back to love? – Need a Road Map

Dear Need a Road Map – Your question certainly speaks to the heart and soul of self-love. It’s my opinion that getting back to love is ultimately about trusting self.  Getting back to love is truly wanting to and choosing it. I know, I make this sound simplistic, but fear is a choice, as is love. I can’t help but ask, what is the fear? Can you name it? Can you label it? What is it that you truly fear? Do you truly fear?

As we walk through life, we have experiences that impact us. We learned as children how to receive love. We learned from our caregivers of influence what we needed to do to be seen. We learned in relationships how to love and how to protect ourselves. We learned that heartbreak hurts and adjust accordingly.  We have layered on the armour.

Fear or love… it is a choice. If I could put one tool on the table, it would be to create awareness around what the fear is: Fear of heartbreak? Fear of control? Fear of being controlled? Fear of being unseen? Fear of loss? The fear lives within and is embedded in a story that is simply untrue, and can therefore be adjusted.

No matter how self-aware we are, we still dance with fear, and I believe that fear lies beneath our inner self talk, our patterns, and our core fracture wound. When we love, we hurt; it is inevitable, but choosing fear over love is protecting and preventing ourselves from experiencing life and love. It’s my perspective that choosing love is choosing freedom… it is choosing YOU. Your curiosity about getting back to love leads me to think that this is ultimately what you desire. When curiosity is at the table, so is vulnerability, and as we know, vulnerability can be fear inducing because we’ve learned that vulnerability can hurt. As you can see, it’s a bit of a cycle!

What I can suggest in all of this, is the oh-so-powerful tool of questioning the story. We can challenge our belief system by asking ourselves if what we think we believe is indeed true. In order to shift our beliefs, we need to prove to the brain that this “inner belief” is untrue. Once the untruth is proven (and yes this may take some convincing), the headspace can no longer hover in that fear, which ultimately opens up space for a new belief that you get to write!

As Louise Hay says, “Thoughts have no power over us unless we give into them. Thoughts are only words strung together. They have NO MEANING WHATSOEVER. Only we give meaning to them. Let us choose to think thoughts that nourish and support us.” Heck yes, Louise Hay!

I would like to take this opportunity to thank anyone and everyone who has uttered the words,

“So I asked myself… what would Christina do?”

** This platform has been inspired by you! **

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Dear Christina, I have been married for ten years. We have two kids. I want to stay together. I love my wife. We have been in counselling for a couple years now and I am at a point where resentment is all I see. When she says anything, I am automatically defensive and often throw the “divorce” word around. All I hear is criticism, yet all I want is time with her and a connection. How do I even start to break down her wall and prove to her that she is my everything?

September 27, 2021|Hey Christina|

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