Dear Mirror, Mirror on the Wall,
This sure is a challenging question, so thank you! One thing that you can do is simply do it. Literally stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself that you love yourself out loud… over and over again. The quest for self-love is not a quick fix, nor is it a one tool process, but this is a powerful first step. I will add something to this… when we are teaching ourselves something new, we literally need to show the brain where to go, and we can do this by faking it. I have gotten some push back on this over the years because faking it may seem inauthentic. However, we need to show our brain where to go, and sometimes that requires us to fake it until we get there. This is along the lines of a self-fulfilling prophecy; a sociological term used to describe a prediction that causes itself to become true. You have both psychology and intention in your corner here, so I encourage you to give it a go and be oh so intentional.
Here’s a process that I have both done myself and successfully coached others through. Commit to this exercise and the quest to love you for the next 30 days. Write this down in a journal, on your bathroom mirror, or in your daily notes to declare your intention.
- Once a day, for one week, look at your reflection in the mirror. Look into your eyes and say “I love you”. This may feel un natural and so very untrue, but loving yourself is what you truly want, yes? To love the shit out of yourself? Say it… muster up the courage and simply say it out loud to yourself.
- For the following seven days, look at your reflection in the mirror and say “I love you. I really love you”. As you move through the days, accentuate the word “really” as the goal is to say it with inflectional meaning.
- After the 14 days, swap it back and forth simply saying “I love you”, “I really love you” to yourself in the mirror until it is said with ease.
I understand if this sounds simplistic and even topical, but I have learned through my practice that not many of us start from the space of being able to say this in the mirror. What I can promise is that if you honour the 30 days, it just may take you to where you want to go. If not, it will very likely be a stepping stone to what you need next, in order to help you wholeheartedly love you. You might also want to consider a coach, some counselling, immersing yourself in podcasts, and or drowning yourself in resources that help you get to be your best version of you today. As I mentioned earlier, this self-love exercise is solid, but there are many tools in the self-love quest toolkit. If this doesn’t fit, you can rest assured there are loads of options to test out, until one day you see yourself in all of your beauty.