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February 15, 2021

How do you love thee?

Do you love yourself? Do you really love yourself? And when I say “love” I mean … do you love the shit out of yourself? Because if you are lacking in the self love department I suspect you are lacking in one (or more) of your relationships. And by lacking I mean that you are not fulfilled in your partnership or a relationship. Maybe you have discourse and unhappiness in your home. Maybe you have friction in your professional life. Maybe you are challenged with how to help your child through heartbreak or loss because you are drowning in it as well? Maybe you are ready to embrace the next chapter and just don’t know how?

Studies show, time and time again, that children learn certain personality traits from simply watching the world around them. It’s the well know nature verses nurture debate. What is role modelled and socially accepted over and over again will win. So will the innate traits that we are born with, but it is through this modelled behaviour that we let people know how to treat us, love us and even hurt us. For example, if you constantly sacrifice your needs for your partners you show her/him that your needs are less important. This then puts you and what you deserve in relationship at risk. Having a partner treat you less than you desire leads to a life time of patterns with that partner that will become hard to un do. And what is incredible about this, is that your partner will be treating you the way you have taught her/him to. This means that your partner will likely see that the way they are loving you is meeting your needs.

Not loving yourself is messy …

And here in lies the rub. Loving yourself is all you really need. Yes, we all want to share our lives with someone … but before we can do this well we really do need to love what’s within. The dark, the honest, the vulnerable, the unknown, the ugly, the sappy, the raw, the sorrowful, the strong, the willing, the beauty, the crazy … every cell of your person. Put yourself up on that pedestal and open your arms wide for they need to get all the way around you and only you.

It is unhealthy to love anyone at the cost of you, your heart, your self respect. The ability to truly love yourself, laugh at yourself, comfort yourself, challenge yourself and honour yourself is where it’s at. It’s a movement that needs to be celebrated because at the end of the day no one will love you better than you can love yourself. And this naturally makes you the best teacher. So go ahead … teach those that loving you is a heartfelt privilege.

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