Are you? Are you really simply angry? I disagree. And here’s why …
We have these things called primary and secondary feelings. It is our secondary feelings that protect us. They serve a very sound purpose. These secondary feelings work together incredibly well and maintain a wall like structure around our heart. This protective wall does just what it was built to do … it protects you from feeling the depths. And in this case, the secondary feeling of anger protects us from the primary feeling which is sadness.
But what if you actually don’t need the protecting? What if I were to tell you that the wall is preventing you from experiencing an important life learning? This learning that will likely push you … teach you … strengthen you … and will simply help you tap into you. Life is too short to miss these opportunities of growth …
As I said earlier, anger typically takes over to protect us from feeling sadness. And this makes perfect sense. Why on earth would we want to feel sad? Why should we sit in sadness, cry, mourn, feel emptiness …? Because it teaches us. Being sad and crying is perfectly healthy. Sit in the sadness. Feel it. Cry. Throw things. Pump it out at the gym. Have your way with a punching bag or a pillow! Pound it out on a run – research indicates that exercise aids in diffusing anger. Pick up a pen and journal your heart out. Get the feelings out of your body. Just get them out. These feelings have presented themselves for you to take notice! These feelings are waiting for you to do something with them. Not to wallow in them or let them take over, but to simply experience them for what they truly are.
If you choose to not want to feel this sadness, then you are automatically going to feel anger. The two dance very closely together. They love to tango! Allowing the anger to take over is ignoring the truth of the matter. If you sit in anger you will eventually need to come out of it. And at that point you will still need to experience the sadness that’s been lying at bay. It will be waiting for you. And unfortunately you will also have left some carnage along the way. So now you need to face the sadness and start the mending. So it seems that embracing the anger and avoiding the sadness is a negative make work project.
Give it a try next time you’re faced with disappointment, heartbreak, or loss. Stop. Breath. Listen to your heart, listen to your thoughts, listen to your gut and then let it all out. In whatever way works for you. A heart pounding run with mother nature, pouring your heart out on paper, smashing a dish or two, chopping some wood, talking it through with a friend, crying your face off, yelling, screaming, dancing … you catch my drift.
And at the end of the day you will no longer be pissed off. You just might find yourself residing in self-pride for taking the courageous step to face the heart of the matter. Now that trumps anger any day!
