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March 15, 2020

It’s all in how you handle it…

“Pull up your big girl/big boy socks” is an expression we’ve all heard, and yes it’s one I’ve been known to use from time to time. And however necessary these words may be at times, what comes before or after you pull up your socks is what counts.

When life presents these opportunities to grow, it is typically through devastating pain or overwhelming joy. And it is how we manage ourselves and feel through it that honors self while teaching others. It takes courage to pull up your socks and face the music. But have you noticed that once you face the fear / the challenge / the opportunity you feel so much better, lighter even?

And if you carried yourself through the moment and took the time to actually feel the before, during and after, what would that look like? If you took the time to actually sit in the emotion that knocked on your door you will be better for it. It may not feel like it at the time, but it has its advantages. This open to feeling allows you to experience the pain, the sadness, the joy, the excitement which allows the moment to pass without laying a foundation in which to build walls … walls that prevent you from experiencing fully. Walls that prevent you from being authentic and absorbing the learnings.

But don’t worry … this opportunity will present itself again if you choose to ignore it. Have you noticed a pattern in your life that seems to be on replay? So why not open your mind, your heart, and your life and allow all that you deserve to flow on in?

So yes, pull up those socks but remember to tap into what you are feeling and start to look at why. Why does it hurt to be told you are a mean and hurtful person when you believe yourself to be all heart? Why does it hurt to be left when you know you weren’t in love? Why does it hurt to walk away from a relationship that you know isn’t good for you? We find ourselves in these situations and experiencing the emotion isn’t simple at all. As we move through our emotion we are faced with multiple moments of what psychologists call transference. And understanding, embodying and handling transference is challenging.

I am sure you can recall a moment in time where someone shared their thoughts and/or feelings about you to you. This moment of transference is suddenly upon you. You often aren’t expecting it and it often results in an emotional, illogical reaction. The beauty in transference is realizing that at the end of the day, these words that are being literally put upon you, have nothing to do with you. Not one bit. These feelings and statements are the other person’s feelings, thoughts and experiences coming out … not yours and not because of you.

Imagine if we could walk through life … be faced with these moments of transference and be completely unaffected by them. This would be brilliant! We could all hover in this peaceful place feeling our emotions as they arise, taking in the learning and moving on more self aware.

So this is where we go back to pulling up our socks. This is all about handling life moments.

Stop. Listen. Breath. Know in your heart the words are not about you … believe in this. Each time it will become more natural and before you know it, you will have less and less of these moments in your life. And you can begin to reside in contentment.

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