If we were simply ourselves and expressed our feelings as they arose we wouldn’t have these big hairy boxes on the shelf. It’s that simple. Sharing your feelings with a friend for example, when you are hurt by something that’s been said or done will present two things:
- an understanding of where they are coming from which will likely contradict what you are feeling because they are a true friend who loves you and the last thing they wanted was to cause hurt = your hurt will heal
- an understanding of what your friend needs from you in relationship = an even stronger more authentic relationship
The tricky part is what happens after your authentic self shows up…
When I was in my twenties I stumbled upon a recording of a conversation between my father and I when I was five. I was looking through the Consumers Distributing Christmas catalogue making my Christmas wish list.
“Look at this daddy. A remote control car!” I exclaimed.
“You don’t want that sweetheart … ”
“Yes I do daddy … it’s a remote control car daddy.”
“You don’t want that sweetheart. You want this dolly … this dolly over here. ”
“No daddy … I want the remote control car.” I say with even more emphasis.
And there it is. That is an example of being told what to like, what to be passionate about, what to think and what to feel. And it also affirmed that what was being shared was not accepted or valued. This is the birth of a pattern. A pattern that continued to weave in and out of my entire life. Thankfully, at the same time I was taught not to give up. And when I was ten I found a remote control car under the tree…