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June 15, 2020

Stuck in a Rut…

We’ve all been here. An unexpected death, a tragic loss, divorce, infidelity … all solid reasons to place you smack dab in the middle of pain, sadness and heartache. And it’s here where you choose to wallow, to get angry or take the learnings as they come. This moment is your moment to make a choice, and your options are pretty clear …

Option A: to wallow

Option B: be angry

Option C: start to heal the pain

You’re in the driver’s seat. You choose your action and desired outcome. What do you want? Do you want to wallow in sadness? Do you want to spread your anger around to others? Sitting stuck in sadness or embracing anger is stressful on our heart, our body and our relationships.

Love yourself enough to change this pattern … love yourself enough to move through this pain. No one will debate the fact that loss, on any level, hurts like hell. That loss leaves you in disbelief, it leaves you questioning, it can leave you crushed and collapsed on the floor.

And only you can pick you up. Only you can pull up your socks. Only you can decide to look towards the other side of the pain. Stop. Breath. Listen to your heart. Be sad. Get mad. And then look in the mirror. What do you see? Look beyond your beautiful face … look into those eyes. Be honest. Be true. What’s in there? Shame? Untruths? Regret? Disappointment? Denial? Acknowledge this darkness. You’ve made choices along the way that have placed you here for a reason.

And now you sit looking in the mirror. Good for you. Most of us avoid the mirror – the mirror is our truth serum – provided we’re ready for it. It’s in this self truth that you can begin to move out of the pain. We all screw up. We all hurt people along the way. The power lies in what you do with the results of this reflection time.

Be okay with your past choices. Forgive yourself. Love yourself for acknowledging you’re past. Take time to sincerely apologize to those that you’ve hurt along the way. Expect nothing … just own your choices, your actions and your behaviour …  truly own it.

Give it words. Describe it. Give the behaviour or moment in time a couple words, as in label it. A long explanation is unnecessary and will take away from the sincerity. A simple label and even a quick reference to when. For example, “I was short with you when we talked yesterday. I was being very judgmental and critical.” And then … say sorry. Apologize with eye contact. And mean it. And if you truly own it and truly mean it then you will have truly forgiven yourself which is the most important piece. Loving and forgiving you … always.

Guilt and regret can consume us. And they are typically expressed in ways that hurt those who we love and care about. And hurting others is simply hurting ourselves.

Stop the hurt. Own the truth. Forgive yourself. Ask for forgiveness. Embrace self love.

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