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Uncover your best you.

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March 15, 2021

The Number One Reason Why You Don’t Get What You Want

We are often better than our automatic knee-jerk reactions, so why do we consistently react and respond in ways that prevent us from getting what we want in life? Our patterns are legitimate – they’ve developed from experiences over the course of our lifetime and are therefore our confirmed current reality. They’ve developed from feedback, messaging, mirroring, and experiences.

So, while these patterns are ingrained, we have oh so cleverly attached a story to them. And the story justifies the pattern. The story that we listen to is like oxygen. It nourishes and feeds our patterns. The irony here is that the story we tell ourselves is very often untrue. We develop these stories in our childhood and confirm and reconfirm them in our adult lives. I have learned that our patterns are adopted from, or created in response to, our primary caregivers. Our stories are old tapes … they automatically play and we accept them. We believe our story to be our reality.

When I started identifying my patterns, I realized that patterns truly get us to the opposite of what we want. For example, a pattern of ‘rose-colored lenses’ can result in a person not seeing the reality of their situation. Seeing life through rose-colored lenses can tend to build resentment, which is quite the opposite of the title!

Another popular pattern is people pleasing.  This pattern can result in a person doing so much for others that they live outside of their own life and can come to wonder things like, who am I, what do I like, what do I want?

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the sadly popular, fear of abandonment pattern. The word ‘abandonment’ alone can provoke a reaction … I get it. Abandonment isn’t about being left on a doorstep. Abandonment is much broader, and it is so very individual in how it’s had an affect or how it shows up. Always unexpectedly is what we can count on!

All of our patterns come with a reaction and a story. Our reactions are automatic and from our subconscious – I think this makes it safe to say that reactions can often be regrettable. And our story justifies both the reaction and the pattern. We believe our story to be so true and right, and there is often little room to see what is happening.

When we are stuck in that feeling of never going to get there, or wonder why we are in this shitty place, it is often because we are not seeing our same old patterns. And I get it … our stories are powerhouses! Aside from finding a coach or therapist that can guide you through this, you can start by simply saying what you hear in your head out loud. And then ask yourself … do I know this to be absolutely true? And ask this again and again until you hear the truth. I have learned that there is often a big difference between the truth and the story that you are telling yourself. And if you are telling yourself that you’ll never get that job you want, or life is always hard, or you’ll never find love, or you’ll never be able to …. let your head roll through the automatic way and then stop at some point and ask if  you know that to be absolutely true … I can promise that this question has the ability to help you start to get what you want.

Warmly, Christina

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