Uncover your best you.

Step-by-step self love workbook

Uncover your best you.

Step-by-step self love tools

March 1, 2024

What is self love: Here’s how to get it

Self love… these two little words hold the key to happiness. A happiness that lives and breathes inside our head and heart, ultimately dictating how we walk through life. Self love means that we listen to our thoughts and challenge their validity. It means being our own biggest supporter, learning from our setbacks, and accepting ourselves exactly as we are. It isn’t boastful; it’s believing that we are enough and actively replacing self-defeating thoughts with self-compassion.

Self love is about knowing and accepting ourselves, even the parts we’re not entirely fond of. Every experience, even the ones we wish we could redo, are a part of who we are and what brought us here. To me, this sounds a whole lot like acceptance. Acceptance that we’ve had experiences that have created a story and that we likely have a story or two. These stories that we believe to be true, get us the opposite of what we want in life. These stories get in our way and often sound like:

  • I’m not good enough
  • I’m not important enough
  • I’m too sensitive
  • I need too much
  • I am too much

all of which are untrue, and likely aren’t even our stories. We may have been told we are something, or we’ve adopted a belief due to a response we’ve gotten or an experience we’ve had. The beautiful thing is that these stories simply may not be true any longer. I have learned that we have the ability to choose how we respond in the flesh, and in our heads. And while this takes a whole lot of consistency and absolute faith… there is a way to start to open the door to self-love.

When you have an experience that has left you spinning down the rabbit hole, and you come to realize that you don’t like the way you are feeling… take a breath and imagine that someone you really love and admire is sitting in your headspace right now. What would you say to them? We so readily offer kindness and encouragement to others, but have this double standard we apply to self. And there’s only one person we spend every minute of every day with … imagine walking through each day with an inner voice that sounds like compassion, encouragement, support, and kindness.

When you catch yourself feeling punched in the gut with a situation, or swirling in confusion and feelings or slipping down the rabbit hole … say what you are hearing out loud. We need to hear the narrative in order to shift it, and once we hear the narrative by saying it out loud, we can ask this next, and life-altering, question…

Do I know this to be absolutely true?

This simple question serves as a tool that can challenge and debunk the story. What is fascinating is that the answer to this question is most often “no, I don’t know this to be true”. And once we expose this lie to the brain, it can pause the spinning down the rabbit hole. It’s an alternative perspective that is often freeing and downright liberating.

Self love is a daily practice that requires patience and compassion. It can be learned, and in my opinion, is oh so worth it. Because when we accept ourselves unconditionally, we get to walk with that inner voice that sounds like compassion, encouragement, support, and kindness every minute of every day.

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