Deciding if you’re ready for a separation or divorce is an intimately personal decision, and I have found we are often curious about separation and divorce long before we are ready to take the first step. Maybe that’s why you’re here … you find yourself thinking that divorce may be the only option.

I have met with hundreds and hundreds of couples considering divorce, and it tends to show up in three ways;

• one: both people are ready to start the divorce process
• two: one person is ready, the other person will eventually catch up, divorce is imminent
• three: neither is ready, and do not want a separation or divorce and hope this will ignite a change

If you resonate with number three, and continue the same way with each another, there is a high probability that you will become number two or even number one. My data tells me that this shift from three to two can happen within a six month window.

This timeframe suggests to me, that there may be an opportunity to repair the relationship, even if you’re here, reading this.

The next chapter of your love story is entirely dependent on two people practicing new ways.

We were taught how to show up in relationship from and by our primary care givers. Sometimes, this doesn’t serve us in our adult life. So here we are … repeating some patterns, and hey, you may not see this yet, but you are. This is what’s happening when we are sitting in a love that isn’t what we believe it can be, or what it once was.

If both of you want to stay together, there are some easy, effective and strategic ways to learn to love better. This is also dependent on timing, because the longer we sit in unhappiness the deeper it gets … so time is of the essence.

If you are two people seeking a way back, please don’t hesitate to reach out.

• It can be exciting to think about the life you “could” be living. But before you step into the unknown, take a moment to really picture what ending the relationship will look, feel, and sound like. I know how easy it is to imagine the freedom, the fresh start—but I also know the weight of the quiet moments, the logistics of untangling a shared life, and the emotions that don’t just disappear. Clarity comes when you consider both the dream and the reality.
• Marital assets, including children, will be shared equally. This is standard practice unless there are extenuating documented circumstances. Divorce is not about winning or losing—it’s about untangling lives in a way that honors fairness, stability, and, most importantly, the well-being of everyone involved.
• If we were to grade our relationship, it should get an 80%. Our partnership should be the cherry on top, as opposed to a dark, looming cloud. A relationship should add to your life, not drain it—if it feels more like survival than joy, it’s worth exploring what needs to change before deciding what comes next.

I can not count how many times I have witnessed one person in the relationship having declared that the relationship needs help, that they are unhappy, that they’d like to get some couples coaching … and months or years later the other is genuinely broken hearted and feeling blindsided. And at this point, when one person is done, I have learned there isn’t any kind of intervention that can help save the marriage.

If your partner has declared unhappiness and or a desire to get some third party intervention I strongly recommend leaning in if you want an outcome of togetherness.